


Follow

by ramudas



Category: Dear Vocalist
Genre: self harm tw!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24570559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ramudas/pseuds/ramudas
Summary: momochi is an asshole with feelings
Relationships: Momochi/Joshua
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

There was a new boy who joined us after Ciel had left for America. I didn't miss Ciel too much, yet I didn't know anything about this boy - nor did I want to. Right off the bat, he seemed to be closed-off, but still naive. I didn't bring it upon myself to talk to him personally, but RE - O - DO convinced me to go to one of his lives.

Reluctantly, I made my way to his concert. It was surprisingly enjoyable, if a little out of my tastes. I almost detested it, but in actuality... it just made me more curious about him. His silver hair seemed to move on it's own as he sung, swaying and flowing - dancing with him. I... was admiring him. I couldn't help it, I have an eye for beautiful things... even if it was just his hair. That's it - nothing else about this boy could possibly be likable, I told myself. 

Even so, I met him after the show.

"Hey, hey!" I said, stopping him as he walked to his car. "Hey. I'm Momochi of Veronica. I... enjoyed your show, and I know you're new around here, so..." Do you want to get to know each other? Would you like to do something with me later? Why don't we hang out sometime? "I wish you the best. Good luck, kid." I patted his back, walking away, discontent with myself. Why didn't I say anything that I thought of fucking saying? I don't even know the bastard's name...

"It's Joshua!" He yelled to me. I stopped and turned around.

"Huh?" I said, walking towards him. It was the 'huh?' in the sense of, come on, tell me more...

"Joshua, of Brave Child... I'm glad you enjoyed it." His smile seemed... strained, almost fake. Was it fake, or was it reluctant - like he didn't believe in himself?

"Yes, I did." I smiled, looking at him who was looking down. 

"I'm surprised you came... I saw you hanging around some of the other guys, but you... Ah, f-forget about it. I hope you can come to more of my shows...!" He looked at me, tilting his head awkwardly.

Strange boy. "I will." I reassured him in a soft voice. As if. As if I'd miss it for the world... 

I walked away for good this time.

I'd see him eating and hanging out with the other guys, but I still never talked to him much. He'd greet me in passing and that was it. It should stay that way too, since... I don't need to get myself involved with others. He's my rival, after all. But so is RE - O - DO and Yuu and... my friends. He could be one of them, but he shouldn't, should he?

"Momochi!" Joshua yelled out from down the hall. I swore under my breath.

"What is it?" I asked, spinning around to walk towards him.

"I... would just like you to know that I'm having another show tomorrow night! Do you think you can make it? I really enjoyed watching yours last week... Your passion onstage is unforgettable!"

I blushed a bit, giving him a fake smile. I looked around, pretending to be anxious. Pretending that he seriously complimented me. "Oh, thank you... It was nothing, I just... have a tendency to get lost in my music. I love seeing all of my fan's smiling faces... And yours, Joshua... I'm so glad you came!" That was a lie. Everything I said was false. I parade happily on stage to appeal to my audience and give them what they want... But Joshua, however... I could care less. I had only spotted him towards the end of my show, where I was then sure to look him in the eyes and give him a knowing smile. After that, I could feel it. I always feel it from everyone, so goes being an idol - the many, many stares, thousands of eyes following your every move... But I could feel Joshua's eyes. I watched them watch me. They felt different; they felt soft, and I didn't like it.

I am not a soft person, and Joshua was not going to change that.

Certainly not, absolutely not. Not with the way that he also tries to connect his eyes to mine when he sings in front of thousands, not with the way he smiles as he serenades his audience, or how the sweat drips off of him during his dances, or... anything like that. It didn't make my heart melt, in fact quite the opposite - I felt like ripping it out and stomping on it a thousand times over. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Stop thinking of Joshua. The thought of him flooded my mind constantly and it make me sick. I shouldn't think like this, I hate him.

I hate him so much that I let him lead me back to his place.

Even though we met up after his concert, it was still his offer, stating that he wanted to get to know me better. I rolled my eyes internally, it's you that I want to know. Why did I want to know him so badly? Perhaps it was because he seemed normal. Too normal, as if he wasn't hiding some huge dirty secret or horrid past or whatever he carries. I wanted to know it. For what reason, I didn't even know.

His room was very... white. His floor was even made out of fucking marble, displaying his ivory piano... I was in disbelief. He had a huge bed, despite being the only one who slept in it. It was very neat, though. He... really just seemed to be 'perfect'. Not my idea of perfect, but... Ah, no. Don't think. Don't think about the fact that you are in Joshua's room right now and he's preparing food for the two of you and it'll just be you and him all night, and whatever happens in here is sure to stay in here. I sighed. I wanted so many things and nothing at all. I wanted my mind to stop but I wanted to see where it'd go.

He brought sandwiches out of the kitchen. We ate and had small talk, keeping everything very basic. It wasn't enough for me. I desired more of him...

"Hey," I started, putting my empty plate on top of his. "I was wondering... why were you looking at me so much tonight? I mean, I liked it..." I faked a smile, blushing for him once more - "...but I... never knew you wanted to look at me so much?" I wasn't sure if I should be flirty or not, but I went with it anyways, and that's what I hate about Joshua - I'm never sure with him. Usually, I feel like I know everything - how to act around anyone... But with him, it...

"Well," He blushed hard, looking away. "I-I just... um... You stood out a lot! And, you were a familiar face, so it... you were calming in a way..."

"Oh... was that it? I'm glad I helped, but... the way your smile got bigger when you looked at me, I thought that y- Oh, never mind, I'm sorry..." I looked away as well, staring down at his too-clean floor. Why was I acting this passive? I... just wanted him to say it. I wanted him to tell me for himself, I... wanted him to want me. Is it too soon to feel such things? We've known each other for only a month, but...

"Momochi... It's awkward and embarrassing for me to say... I just like seeing you." He paused, taking a sip of his tea. Who the fuck even drinks tea besides him? He's younger than me, yet still has odd tastes.

"I... I think I understand. I like it when you watch me on stage too. It... in a way... makes me want to try harder, just for you."

I saw his eyebrows furrow from the corner of my eye. "For me...? T-that's..." He went speechless. I smiled to myself. I wanted to get closer to him, physically. If nothing else, Joshua would be my new plaything. It'd been awhile since I had any real fun with anyone, so... I wanted to see how far he would go. How far would you take me and entertain me, Joshua?

"Yes, I love when your eyes are on me...!" I stood over the table, placing one of my legs in between his. I watched his eyes widen and him back up into the couch. My smile only grew wider, my eyes going crazy as I... kissed him. Our lips crashed together, but he didn't seem so scared. Did he let it happen? He even put his hands on my head, but before he could pull me closer, I pulled away, with a mix of his saliva and my lip gloss connecting us. I licked my lips, breaking the string. 

"Well," I stood up, "I guess I'll leave now... Thanks for having me over." I winked at him.

"Um... You can stay if you'd like. I like having you around anyway..." He got quieter as he spoke the last sentence, blushing hard.

"Alright, if it wouldn't be a bother!"

"Not at all." He got up, grabbing some pillows and a blanket off of his giant bed to place on the futon where I'd presumably be sleeping. "This alright?"

I smiled and nodded. "Yea... But! Your bed is so big..." I laughed to myself. "Never mind. Not like I was thinking anything, but... it just looks so comfy."

He smiled when I laughed. "Try it out."

I grinned and ran over to his bed, jumping on it to lay down. His bed was raised quite high, and it was hard for even me to get into it, despite us both being the same height. I spread out, loving being surrounded by all of his pillows. Even the blanket underneath me was super soft, I felt as if I was sinking into his bed. I felt small, noticing the huge drapery hung over his bed. I stayed there, shutting my eyes and breathing in the smell of nothing. He stood awkwardly, smiling, not sure what he should do. I thought of things that he could do - I thought of him walking over and laying down with me, or even on me, and we would fall asleep with each other, and I thought of him walking sadly to the futon, laying down but wanting more of me. He'd think of me, how my lips felt, his face scrunching up beneath his blanket in desperation.

Instead, he did none of those things. He continued standing. I rolled over to my side, looking at him. "So..."

Without a word, he walked over and cuddled up to me, not facing me. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and nuzzled my head into his neck and hair. Somehow, it didn't even tickle me - it was very soft in fact, I wanted to rip it right off his pretty head. I wanted to kiss him more too, I wanted to grab him and hold him down and make out with his ugly, pretty face. I wanted to do many vulgar things to him, but I refrained. My mind didn't wander too much, but for the longest while I was unable to fall asleep because I was thinking about all the ways I could have his lips on mine.

He didn't sleep either, at least not until I did, and I know that because his beating heart never slowed.

In the morning, he rolled over to now face me. He pulled me close to him and let his arms rest around my hips. I peered at him, his eyes closed, but lips curled in a smile. It... made me happy. Disgusting.

Later on, we didn't speak of that. We casually talked, but I never went back to his place. He didn't invite me, and I didn't ask. Most of our interactions were tense with... love? Some sort of those types of feelings. We still, of course, went to each others lives, but nothing much else. We started texting, and I really did flirt with him then... He didn't seem to be too receptive of it, though.

Was he clueless, or...? Tsuyuu told me that... there might be more going on.

Hey.  
Joshu 💜  
Hey. Answer me.  
You know I don't like being ignored.

I was getting angry, but remembered that I should probably be concerned. He was usually pretty good at answering me straight away.

Joshuuu ~ You alright?  
Joshyyyy Joshy Joshy!  
I'm going to come over.

I didn't even know if he was home, but I had no idea where else he'd be. 

I knocked, but got no answer. I yelled for him, and told him that if he didn't open the damn door, I'd bust it down. No, I wouldn't, I would've picked it instead, but I didn't have to. A red-eyed Joshua opened the door.

"Why did you come here?" He asked shakily, voice and body.

I put my arms around him. He held one of his arms with his hand, and I didn't yet ask what the gauze was about, or his tears for that matter. "You didn't answer me, and I got so worried Joshu..." I tried looking him in the eyes, but his tearful eyes were looking away.

I wanted to whisper sweet things to him, I felt... in that moment... I wanted to be soft with him. I wanted to kiss his forehead and tell him that no matter what, everything's okay. Instead...

"Why are you crying?" I wiped his tears with my sleeve.

He sniffled and said something about his live. I asked him to speak up, but then he shouted. "My live was a disaster! You saw me! I tripped over the wire and I couldn't dance right and...!" I drowned him out by holding him against my chest. 

"Hup..." I lifted him and carried him back inside his room, sitting on his couch with him in my arms. "Joshua... that isn't true at all. I love watching you dance, and I think tonight has been one of your best nights..." I started petting his hair, despite his grumbles. "That's okay that you tripped. Mistakes happen all the time, remember when I spilled water on myself in front of everyone?" He laughed at me.

"Yea, that was funny..."

"Mhmm... Everyone will forget about it. Laugh it off Joshu, it's alright..." I held the hand that wasn't holding his arm and squeezed it. "Josh..."

"Huh?"

I rolled my eyes, but with a smile as to not look angry with him. "You know what I'm going to ask. What's this about?"

He sighed. "You know what I'm going to say. I cut myself."

I made a sound of discontentment. "Where's the...?"

"Kitchen sink," He sighed again.

I laid him on the couch, bending down to look at him. My hair swayed in front of us, and I gave him a sincere smile. "I'll take care of it." Softly, I leaned in and kissed him. 

There was a piece of bloodied glass in the sink. I winced at the thought of... that. I picked it up, and despite my caution, I still ended up getting blood on my fingers. I didn't exactly know how to discard of it, so I threw it in the garbage, tied the bag, and took it out for him.

I came back and asked if he'd treated his wounds properly. He said that he didn't, so I tended to them for him. After that, I spoke softly to him. I let his head rest into the crook of my arm, cradling him. I told the sleeping Joshua that everything is okay. I told him that it's alright and that I would be here for him. "You should talk to me about these problems, instead of... Okay? I... love you. I love you. It's okay, Joshua, because I love you!" I got louder each time I told him that I loved him, but he didn't hear me.


	2. Date

As he awoke from sleep, he turned to look at me with soft eyes. He slept soundly in my arms the whole night through.

"Joshua," I started, not entirely sure of what I was going to say.

"Thank you," He said, "...for everything. I... I was able to fall asleep feeling safe..."

After a moment, I asked "Safe?"

"Yea, ah... I... my mind makes me feel unsafe," He explained, "...It... I sometimes fall asleep crying, or... Worse... Just... After self harming - I mean, my mind... I just think of... awful things, and... It makes me do awful things, and... I want to hurt myself and others, and I get scared of myself, but... Last night it felt good, being with you... So, um... thank you for coming, Momo..."

I smiled and rolled my eyes at the nickname, and pet his hair, unsure of what to say next - Why so often was I finding myself speechless in the presence of Joshua? "Anything to help you, hun." I told him.

He blushed. "U-um, would you like coffee?"

I shook my head. "Not right now. Hey, would you mind if I showered? I'd like to freshen up, and... I can take you out for breakfast, if that's alright."

"O-oh, um! Yes, please. I'll show you how to work the shower faucet and-" He started getting up to show me to the bathroom.

"Oh, Joshua... I'm going back to my room. I'll be back here in a half hour, so please be ready." I told him, winking as I stood up.

-

I came back soon after showering and psyching myself up - this was it, I was going to ask Joshua to make things official. I hoped - no, I knew - that he'd want me as badly as I wanted him. I felt strangely vulnerable, but half of me had the thought of accepting this vulnerability if it meant getting to have him in the end. I won't get into what the other half of me thought.

When I approached his door, I stood there for a moment. Psyching myself up once more, I ran down my plan for the day quickly in my head - or at least, I tried to. The only thing I truly could think of was feeling his soft, precious lips once more. Would I feel them for the rest of my life? Would you allow me that pleasure, Joshua? I remembered he was my competitor, but... No, perhaps it was foolish to think of such things so early on. I banished the thought as quickly as it came.

With a sweaty hand, I knocked thrice. He opened quickly, as if he as well were standing right on the other side.

"I'm ready if you are." He simply said. Grabbing his hand, I led him out to my car.

-

At the breakfast diner, I made sure to flirt with him overbearingly so. He was a blushing mess thanks to me, which definitely boosted my ego - but this wasn't about that. It was about doing whatever I could to make him mine. I paid for our meals, and after we both finished up, we left. We didn't go back, though, I stalled in my car. I hadn't really asked him out yet, but...

"Hey Josh... You still have some egg on your lip." I lied, narrowing my eyes. I leaned towards him, getting out of my seat.

He got embarrassed, and would've licked his lips if not for the fact that I used it as an opportunity to kiss him. It was a deep, long kiss, unlike our previous one. I didn't let it stop; again and again I pulled away and forced my lips back onto his. Grabbing his head, I licked his lips to part them - he opened for me, and I wiggled my tongue into his mouth, but pulled back. I found it funny that I could taste his breakfast.

"I think I got it," I said, breathless, sitting back in my seat. He then surprised me by grabbing my head just as I had, shoving his tongue in my throat. A surprised noise came out of me and escaped into his mouth, where it found solace as he swallowed it along with my saliva. I thought it was hot, how he took control. He lapped his tongue on mine, making me feel hot and fuzzy. My mind was clouded; I grabbed his shoulders but he fell on top of me a bit, my head hitting the driver's window, his chest on mine. I moved my hands to hold his head, feeling the soft and fluffy locks of his hair. Joshua held my chin up so it would be easier to force himself inside my mouth, but I gagged. He retreated, looking at me with wide eyes. They weren't wide with concern or upset, but rather wide with wild pleasure, an ecstasy neither of us had felt. I had noticed that my eyes shared the same wide wildness. We both panted, searching each other's eyes for the confirmation that we both felt the same feelings, that the experience was just as good for the other, if not better.

Simultaneously, we kissed each other for one big, last time. "Let's go back." I told him. He nodded, sitting down. "Hey." I looked at him, turning my keys to start the car.

"Yea?" He looked up, as he'd been toying with his hands in his lap.

You will be mine, right? ...Was my first instinctual question I was going to ask, but after thinking about it, I reached my hand over to one of his and said, "Let's make this real, Joshua." I brought his hand to my lips and placed a gentle kiss on it. "Be mine..." I whispered at his hand, to which I heard a yes slither from his lips.


End file.
